And I walked on & on....

I walked on & on.....across the meadows. Behold lay the stank sloths of grass & leaf asunder, they say.... Were many who led on & many more to follow. Across came the comely wind from across the top of moors & beckoned to me. Oh lovely in her gait, of pearls of joy that brings Aphrodite to shame, of eyes lit of stary skies.....
Draft....

Cogito, ergo sum

How do you accept that you are ordinary?

How do you accept that you are human, when it comes relationships? How do I accept the lady that left me dry, of the spineless escape to illusory madness, of all the non-sensical metaphysical escape, austerity and finally this capitulation to a bottle of intoxicant?

How do you tell yourself of your dry grey matter?
How do you tell yourself that you are not a mad?

How do you tell yourself that you that you are not Nietzsche neither Buddha?

How do you accept flesh & blood? How do you accept frailties?

How do you accept of the illusion of my Ubermensch? Of being guilty about being ordinary, being full of ordinary human ego?

How do you accept that you are not greater than this nonsense being written?

How do I accept my bloody sanity and the anodyne in writing this dirt?

How do I accept Life and God?

How do you accept that you are not the great Knight and neither is that a fire-spitting dragon, but a windmill?

How do I accept I am just Don Quixote?? How would man ever accept that??

It is “I” who is “being”. I can be extraordinary. I am being or not being ordinary or extraordinary or divine or otherwise.

Accept the human frailties and half is done. Accept it as done and go beyond. Nothing leaves me dry unless I decide to desiccate, unless negativism takes up all that good blood in me. Capitulation is just that, surrender. The surrender of self. It’s all in my hands to surrender or not. Why fear when the surrender is never imminent. Why fear the ditch ahead, haven’t I overcome the abyss under these very feet. Every hit I take breaks down a grain of the thick veil that surrounds. With every hit grows the power to surge forward.

Accept the madness, call it trials to grasp the reality and move ahead. I am greater than my grey cells, beyond all that. Nay it doesn’t matter of its biology.

I am Buddha, I am Nietzsche, I am all that more. I am the flesh and the blood and the mighty cosmos.

Life does not matter to me and neither does my God. I am all that and beyond. I am not just this dirt but also the revelations. I am the Knight that takes on my fire-spitting dragons in me. I am Don Quixote and I am The Man.

I am light, I am the answer, I am the solution, I am the anodyne, I am pure consciousness.

But are these true? They are because I believe them and that is the greatest reasoning and proof.

Cogito, ergo sum......

He is...

A man is never complete, never sane... without a women he has lost forever to eternity..

And i fall in love... again..

And i fall in love once again...

With the dank air around..
..the stillness that sits aside me..

With the warmth of my conking heart...

With the calmness of the darkness that pervades..

With the beautiful dark infinity of the skies and the stars abound...

With the drifting words on the papyrus held...

With the wait for the man astride on the black beast...

The dichotomy..

There are always two entities...

The darkness and the light that breaks through..

The mist and the rays that seam through...

The pain and the anodyne that soothes through..

The one who inflicts and one who takes it in him....

The one that takes and other gives...

The profane and the profound...

The ontouchable and the chaste...

And, yet the one suffers eternally and the other is in eternal peace...

My favourite lines...they never die

OUT of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul

The tears that couldn't wash them off....

Of all the tears that I shed..ohh none can but wash her of the sins.. cleanse all the bloodguilt memories ...and no ark can save from the deluge...of the wrath of the third eye. The tempest is yet calm, for the day is not yet here....the day of the judegement is not yet near...

Burnt her in the pyre of my memories....& i rise from those ashes

Life has come a full circle..... everything I cherished & held dear seems smitten forever. Whatever were the fondest in life, what seemed the direction & meaning of my life once is today burnt to ashes by that very me. It's seems foolish though & pretty humbling to proclaim that what I once pompously preached & cherished were but glimpses of my arrogant hypocrisy. Today in a moment I have consumed to flames years of my most cherished dreams & memories of her and with it all its mortal remains to the pyre in my mind. All those years seem a stupid scamper for things most mundane.
The beliefs, aspirations and hopes I had in a mortal being is today revealed to me. And as all always these have been difficult but true moments in my history.......The most painful & bitter, yet these seem the most profound... a difficult paradox for me to accept still.

Maybe that is what is the real truth of all life and as I move forward through the veils of Maya, the experience will be more humbling yet enlightening. ....... Brahma Satya, Jagat Mithya, jiva Brahma eva na aparah

Of all the gardens & flowers I see on the wayside will wilt a day to reveal the truth, the truth that they were specks of beauty of a much more wonderful garden. The waters of all springs on the oases I wade through will have to turn soar to reveal the sweetness of that eternal spring. There can be no stopping now except the renewed lung forward.....to my destiny.

Time does not bring relief

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

Who told me time would ease me of my pain!

I miss her in the weeping of the rain;

I want her at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;

But last year's bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.

There are a hundred places where I fear

to go - so with her memory they brim.

And entering with relief some quiet place

Where never fell her foot or shone her face

I say, 'There is no memory of her here!'

And so stand stricken, so remembering her.

A mail on Hinduism

This is a reply to a mail forwarded to me regarding monotheism & polytheism and it's ensuant result on assuaging the anxieties/depressions of it's belivers. I really enjoyed writing this, so thought i'll put this up.... And many of ideas here are not original, infact most of it is inspired from Vivekanada's works & also from Srimad Prabhupada's ideals.
..... well just in case... i am a bit scared after the KaavyaGate scandal-"How Opal Mehta got kissed.. " Don't want the Ramakrishna Math suing me ;-)

Dear Mr Rosmarin,

A friend of mine forwarded me regarding your question on polytheistic Hinduism and it’s effect on it’s believers. I hope the below my views on the same could be of some use to you.

Foremost, Hinduism is not in essence a polytheistic (nor idolatrous) religion as is commonly believed. Because the Vedas (the most sacred book for Hindus) say that God is one absolute Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnivolent entity (as you put it). The most important interpretation of the Vedas called the Advaita (which means “not two”); says all existence (the body & soul) is not two, but one indivisible supreme entity- “The Atman”.

Now coming to common perception regarding polytheistic and idolatrous Hinduism. It is true that we have about 33 million Gods being worshiped. The ancient proponents of Hinduism believed that paths to God should be different for different people. A poor illiterate man seeks God not for his “Moksha”*. For him God is something which will ensure that he doesn’t go hungry that night. For him esoteric concepts like Omnipotent all-pervading power called God would make very less sense. He better relates to an entity that is much closer to him, a God to which he can talk to just like he would talk to his father or mother, but one that is still Omnipotent for him. One with which he can cry to, when down with pain & suffering and one which he feels will empathize with him. One which he can visualize. Can any living human ever perceive or visualize a infinite God. For a Christian perceives it as the Christ we adore, the Father in Heaven, mother Mary, a Bible or even the Holy Cross in front of a genuflecting Christian. For a Muslim , he perceives it as the Holy Koran, or Prophet Mohammed or even the visual of Mecca. This is in spite of Islam & Christianity being monotheistic religions. For, monotheism & polytheism in essence are one and same.

From my personal experience (which I assume can be extrapolated to others), when I am down with some illness, it’s not a nebulous Omnipotent God that comes to my mind ( though consciously I believe in esoteric all-pervading formless God ). It’s a form of a female maternal form that comes to mind, one which I feel will help me out. One which like my mother is all-powerful, all capable for me. One which I trust can cure me come what may. We call such a form of maternal Goddess, a “Devi or Parvati or Lakshmi or Durga”.

Now finally, the greatest potency of faith worship in Hinduism is the fact that it’s a religion where the religious offertory plays a very important role. A Hindu believes the absolute (which he perceives through his personal deity & calls out by a name he is most at ease with) can help him more than any scientific medicine, for the evanescent body can be easily cured by a more potent soul.

Hope the above information could be of use/relevant to you. I tried to put up a lot of disparate ideas of Hinduism together .. Pls tell me if you need more clarification, maybe I could try find out.

Regards,
Harikrishnan

-----Original Message-----
From: David Hillel Rosmarin [mailto:drosmarin@jpsych.com]
Sent: Friday, May 05, 2006 11:19 PM
Cc: 'Daniel Goldenholz'

Subject: A Question about Hinduism

Hi,

Dr. Daniel Goldenholz gave me your contact info (thanks Daniel!). I have a question about Hinduism and I was wondering if you could help me. I'm currently studying the impact of specific beliefs about God on anxiety/depression. My hypothesis is that people who believe that God is Omniscient (All-Knowing), Omnipotent (All-Powerful) and Omnibenevolent(All-Good/Just) will have increased psychological wellbeing and not suffer from anxiety/depression as much as people who lack these beliefs. From my elementary knowledge of world religions, I believe that my model works well for members of monotheistic faiths. But I'm not sure how it would work with Hinduism, which, to my limited knowledge, is not monotheistic. As soon as one introduces multiple deities into the picture, it appears to me that the concept of Omnipotence cannot apply - Omnipotence implies that a single force has TOTAL control, while the existence of multiple gods seems to inherently assume that complete control of a god is unattainable. I'm sure your time is limited, but I would be most grateful for any insights you could share with me about this issue.

All the best,
David
--------------------------------------------
David Hillel Rosmarin, MA
Clinical Psychology PhD Candidate
Department of Psychology, Room 242
Bowling Green State University
Bowling Green, OH 43403
(419) 902 7248
www.jpsych.com

....the barking says it all.

9 months, 6 posts & 5 comments (if u leave the spam apart).... tht's the vital statistics of this blog... and hope the above picture says it all. Like all those barking blogs under the black blogosphere (about 100 million at last count), this stands hopefully. Maybe the stars will take a look soon at this dog. Maybe there are lessons to be learned. As the Stoic Philosopher Epictetus says “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” The dogs can pick a morsel or two from it.

Stoicism apart there is this blogger who metamorphed from a War sapped Private in Iraq to a Best Selling (or wud be best selling) author. There is also this blogger from Iraq whose blog "Nom de blog" had created quite a furore. Incidentally it has been 'taken of air' and there are some rounds of gossip running around that it was all hoax run by CIA to put across a Yankie biased version. Just tells the power of new age blogging. Maybe it's more than just incessant barking which i rue it is..... maybe you just have to be a infantryman in Iraq or a citizen in a war ravaged romanticism, a reader's utopia or at least seem like one. All dogs are not born equal... after all

Thru the inferno...for the divine angel

The THe The dry wind blew through the inferno... all ossified bones and flesh weltered noisome on the prodigious river of blood as I ford through it alone. Time seems to become a non-entity as I stroll all bloody, bowed in front of mother fate. A frail apparition of my old self, the evanscent self I proudly condescended over. A year and half and I still follow her, there walking beyond the horizon across at arm length. I reach out to the yonder image and it just hazes out into thin midnight cold. So near, yet so far.... every rising sun and the rising moon greets me to her effulgent effigy, of my divine angel. Like a mirage to an inanimate itinerant on the hot desert; enticing me to Atlantis. Thrusting forward I reach out with every ounce of life only to find it alluring me into infinite. Yet I thrust on and on....prodding forward.

What What divine power propels me to this quotidian ritual?
I search for answers, for the divine angel in heaven beyond all infinity will I never reach. Yet the reparition, of that divine essense follows me like a shadow.
What’s with this?What’s with this? And I found it, listining to one of those melacholic verses from Taal, the pathos of lyrics telling it all....

nahin saamne, nahin saamne ye alag baat hai, mere paas hai, mere paas hai tu mere paas hai.........bichhad ke bhi mujhse juda tu nahin, khafa hai magar bewafa tu nahin

What’s me....in all essense my self, my existence, my divine angel subsisting in me; how will it asunder from my very existance. I will prod on and on, till eternity, till I find that self, till i find her...

Oh Sweet Death....

Oh sweet Death

Please comfort me

Oh sweet Death

Please come for me

Hold me tight

Against your breast

Please end my pain

And let me rest

I have feared you

All my life

Despised you deeply

When she was gone

But now I understand

Your blessed kindness

This endless agony

Has cured my blindness

Please enfold me in your arms

and end my pain

Please give lasting peace

To my tortured brain

Please take me across

And end my strife

Please take me home

To be with her

Oh sweet Death

I now surrender all

Oh merciful Death

Please take me across

I woke up from her........veils of Maya

I am in a pretty nostalgic and philosophical mood..... hold on.... don't sit back, sometimes it can be as bad as jumping in front of a senile man eating Tiger. It's usually the twilight that brings out the worst in me, a la Hyde. But the logistical difficulties of the time has precluded my jolting down those musings (I don't have a laptop at home). So I am trying to recollect the same philosophical sentiments that had overwhelmed me in their deluge. The night was pretty nostalgic where I had the fortune to be hearing raptfully the gentle notes from the Pt. Chaurasia's basuri. The music which is supposed to call out to the wandering and tired mendicant to wake from the excruciating shackles of Maya in this world. The January cold was taking it's toll and I walked towards the Cafeteria to get a cupful of coffee to warm me up. And there I found "her". The one who used to give me myriad hues in my dreams..... but that was all a year back since she was solemnised and I being solemnised to my own idiosyncrasies of dealing with it all. Liquor, lacerates, lachyrmations and finally refuge under a religious school called ISKON and the loads of eccentric works from Nietzsche to Oriental Spiritualism to spend my nights with. And yesterday I saw her with another boy..... though it was blatant manifest jealousy momentarily, it was an insight into the ways of this life. There she was, who a year before was in my arms now walking sedately with someone and I was there totally inconspicuous to the same eyes which yearned to see me earlier. I was totally helpless, weak and there was the truth. The whole world was once under my foot and suddenly you wake up to find it was never there, worse the foot that you thought was inviolable lay sedate. The moment which is bound to come to all of us someday when we realise the trials and tribulations; the victories and triumphs which you thought were your's forever were never there. I found me shrinking, the body that I was suddenly began to sublimate to the nonexistence and inanimateness that permeated around me.
The night I got engrossed in the book The Age of Kali or the Kali Yug totally oblivious to what had hit me a few hours back. Suddenly the chapter The City of Widows teleported me to the city of Vrindavan.... an ocean of beautiful women chanting in front of their beloved One. The Sat Chit Ananda, the one who gives pleasure of the infinite kind. They were bald and emaciated, thrown out of their abodes. I found myself in their midst utterly flurried. The strength of their frail frames and their insurmountable will. Somehow I could identify with them, though to lesser extent maybe, but overwhelmed by their might. The Kali Yug gone by, the cataclysm couldn't touch them, though a mote of spark had left me completely burned. There was lots for me to wake up to and "The Power" rightly made me to stumble upon them the night I needed them most. Maybe I would never know why, but that power has somehow always guided me in sometimes subtle ways when I needed it most. I took to my bed late into the night in a daze and there was the fan humming, the Kala Chakra slowly turning, creaking through waiting for Kali to pass over and for the tomorrow to arrive, for him to wake me up in Vrindavan to the million chants around me.

CATaclysmic mania

Now that the CAT has passed, some retrospection. Live chat! Post CAT 2005, Will you get calls from the IIMs? etc. This along with 6 other realted links blared for attention on the Rediff.com site. Not to be outdone we had the news channels with their own versions of it like CATlyst and hosts of other things. That's much of limelight being given to the thing they call CAT. Well after all about 2 lakh of India's best minds running this rat race to bell this CAT, because if you are among the lucky 2000 or so who get admitted, you might earn anything between 5 lakhs to 15 lakhs at the end of it. And that's too sweet a carrot for any rat to discount.
About six of my friends have taken it up. And the reason:-
* One of them was so pissed of by his boss that he wanted a shift badly
* This other guy was pissed by the salary he got
* The third was sad that he didn't have any onsite opportunities here

And to be sure reasons that prompted about 1,99,990 of those who appeared might not be different. To put matters into perspective it proof of people not having changed since the gold rush of the 19th century America to the very recent DotCom bubble. All these intelligent resources are running behind something which they are not even sure of. And all hell falls upon them if they can't reach that magical 99 figure. Our inteliigentsia makes them believe that if it's not the IIMs it's no good. Good managers can be only manufactured from top rung institutes and from among those who can understand and quote eruditely on Shakspehrian phrases and those who can figure out X in log A + log B=X....
It's not the above X that the real managers need to find, it's about finding the unknown X that can motivate people or that elusive 'X' that might engender mighty new corporations. Think of likes of people like Ambani, L.N.Mittal or Naryana Murthy....who figured what the real X was, how to find what really drives the needs of customers or how to figure out the tomorrow no one envisioned. And that's the kind of managers or leaders our CAT needs to seive out, not people who can do calculations in 1/10th of a second or those who can sell more of coke or pepsi to a few more people. Untill that happens our B Schools will bring out good leaders not great ones.....

I start to blogg.....earnestly??

It's a long wait to put up this blog..... or more serious things than usual sissy crap I admit to have put in previous one. Maybe it's the Democratic Indian syndrome that every Indian seems to have caught. After all what's most talked about now about India is it's tardiness in policy, bureaucracy .....to be precise we think all times and stop there. This affliction as always prompts me to stop things at the cerebral level.....never to put it into bytes here. The same with many of the people I know. Almost 70% of my peers talked, talked and talked either about starting out of their own, or even of moving on to better opportunities. But the turnover rate is an abysmal 0%. And this is to a population that I consider far superior to their peers across the world. The IIM Ahmedabad is by far the world's toughest school to get into. Yet many of the people I know are through to it. And almost all the young people I know are struggling on to get into the toughest league schools. They aspire to head the best in class corporations of tomorrow. But the aspirations are far less from what could have been. These best in class could easily create the next IBMs or Microsofts....right here and head it.....with a much lesser effort, though with a higher risk at stake.
But this phenomenon is not just one at the microscopic level. Our biggest competitor, the neighbour across the Himalayas, the 'Communist China' was slowed down by SARS in 2002. But the World's largest democracy, the Indian elephant trudges on afflicted by an even more serious 'democracy syndrome' in it's DNA. I happened to read the book 'Governance' by Arun Shourie ......it'll turn you aghast and at the same time make you laugh. How could serious things be bogged down for years in such trivial matters like if black, blue or some other colour should be used in official documents. Today the news screams of Left opposing the FDI, labour reforms and multitude of things, things which could propel us to OECD league. Down south, dowdy Mr Deve Gowda is busy spewing venom on people like Narayana Murthy and the many multinationals, courtesy of which the Bangalore has earned the sobriquet 'the Silicon Valley of the East'. And at centre is the Congress waiting for one excuse or the another to stall the nascent reforms. The chance of a era is being frittered away, the chance for India to propel back to the Numero Uno position it used to be in centuries ago. While the precious time is being spent on debating each and every move the red dragon races on just across our walls.
The land where once Krishna preached about the importance of action and that action is in itself contemplation......is turning a blind eye to very same principle. The next few years will see if a 21st Krishna rises among us and wakes us from the slumber of contemplation into a land of action. And lets see if my young friends just choose to settle down being just white collared workers or would they stand up to create destines by sowing seeds to multitudes of giant corporations.......Hope both of them wake up now.....including me....i am looking forward to more thoughts put to blogs.....

And....she went beyond.

Meri duniyaan main koi nahi..
Ye dunia wale kahte hai
Par ye nadaan kya jaane....
Main.. mera dard...meri tanhai....sath saath rahate hai

translates as .....
i have noone in this world....That's what the world says...but one doesn't know that i have my pain, my lonliness always with me....
..some Mirza Ghalib ..

Lots of things happened this week....
My 4 year long friend (who is a girl) is getting married this weekend....after 6 months of cold-war we saw each other yesterday and talked. Best wishes to her....Though it marks a 6 month long culmination of my travails and horror at the turn of events. Anyways life's like that....u lose some...u lose all & i lost. Beyond the yonder, silhouetted against the clousds.. just like that. And i never saw her...again...ever.

Hi there...No..no...no more usual excuses for not logging in more often. It's not that i don't get time, but coz i write only when i introspect and i introspect only when i am feeling blue and philosophical. So lets talk about why i am here. As usaul i called her up yesterday. Its the umpteenth time she said its time for us to break all, to end this usual talks we have every two nights. The only time during which i feel i am happy. Though she's been talking of this apocalypse for so many months now, each time she mentions the same, my minf and senses go through an untold excrutiating torture. As i say always to her, i must have been a bad soul in previous lives. Yet the sad things around me remind me i am not the only one, which makes things more worse. Ya ya pessimistic i know, but sometimes you can't help it...can u. When u feel all goes right, things suddenly wreck themselves and you find yourself back to where you sailed off. I know a day has to come when i shall have to leave her for ever. But the same thought everyother day multiplies the inflictions on me. And wait gloomly for that day to arrive, the albatross that's bound on me, reminding constantly that its going to be here....sooner than i think...Let God save me...

What do u wanna do after college…Earn a million bucks!

This is a piece I wrote for my colllege magazine, for which they didn't have coloumn space..thank God to blogs

So what do we do, after college…the most important question we all ruminate over. To make it easier for you, I’ll give you the two scenario choices. Lets then decide if we still keep the million.

Scenario 1: You are the CEO of one of India’s top (read world’s top) Software Goliaths (a la Infosys, Wipro), which employs the world’s best IT coolies (the white-collared variety) in the world. To put things into perspective on just how it’ll be let me give you a contemporary example…the red collared professionals from our neighboring states who are brought here into Kerala to dig trenches for the cables to be laid (just as we are outsourcing the ‘digging’ jobs to our neighbours due to the cost advantage and because we are worthless slobs, the west is outsourcing the ‘coding’ job for our IT coolies). You will be heading such a great company. And then the perks…a big limousine, a fat pay packet, a sexy bombshell as your wife, free health insurance, a secure and safe life with a holiday to Las Vegas every summer…yup business class. Plus a pot belly worth envy, high blood pressure and cholesterol, diabetes everything courtesy of your superb ’n’ sedentary workstyleàAC office and leisurely seats where you sit all day and enjoy coding. The requirement is an 80 plus percentage plus a few degrees like MBA, Mtech, MS, and PhD to the side of your name. So the toppers out there watch out.
OK that was great…so what’s the next scenario?

Scenario 2: You own your own firm (could be a David or even a Goliath), just like the guy who sells peanuts round the corner, call it CEO, CTO, CFO, MD or Managing Worker (as in Sahara group)…. what the heck…its your firm! I think the Oxford Dictionary calls it ‘THE ENTREPRENEUR’. It might be anything from Rs 100 per day to the 100 billion bucks wage you might take home. Ya you get your own vehicle, but it might be anything from a 1970s ‘hamara Bajaj’ (Narayana Murthy used to ride one when he started Infosys) to the 303 Boeing (that’s a jumbo jet u dumb fool, which the Ambanis use now). You could live in the posh ’n’ sprawling penthouse in Switzerland or even the not so posh yet sprawling state penitentiary, the ‘Tihar Jail’ (try getting a room next door the ex-proprietor and founder of Home Trade, he stays there after he went bust last year or try getting a room used by good old Harshad Mehta). And then when it comes to women these guys have an edge…remember there is a women behind every successful man, but there are several behind a successful millionaire one. Remember Juhi Chawla married the industrialist Jai Mehta and Tina Munim the Mr Richie Rich Anil Ambani…its always the richest guy who gets to keep the sexiest damsel…err I mean damsels. The best part of the job is the qualification you need…most of the most famous entrepreneurs were college and school dropouts (he..he..I know the ones with truckloads of ‘back-papers’ are obviously interested now). Bill Gates (founder of Microsoft) was a Harvard dropout, Michael Dell (founder of Dell PCs) was a school dropout and Jerry Yang (founder of Yet Another Hierarchical Officious OracleàYAHOO.com) was a PhD dropout. AND…you get to boss over your employees, your old college mates who unfortunately got 80% plus.

OK now that the few among you have finally decided to go the second path, here is how to reach your jackpot of a million dollar valued company.
For the would be entrepreneur the toughest qualification required is the belief in his dreams…the will to follow the dreams whatever may come. You should be able to steer your ship against the winds, even when your peers decide to go in the other direction. Remember Robert Frost;
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that made all the difference”.

Even when all your friends are enjoying a good employed secure life, the urge to differ, to be different should help you stay afloat through the lean and even hungry days. Even failure shouldn’t worry such a brave soul. I am reminded of the old Urdu saying from some damn movie
“Girtha hein shay savar hi, maydan-e-jung mein, o woh kya gireega jo khutnon ka bal chalaa”- Only brave warriors fall from their horses in their battle, how can kneeling cowards know what that fall is.

So for those brave and nutty souls who decided not to call it quits yet (however small that number is), here is the roadmap to your goal:

1. Get a wacky idea- This is the core thing around which you’ll be able to build your future empire. For Sabeer Bhatia it was the idea of a free, web based email provider that helped him build the worlds largest email provider, Hotmail.com

2. See if this wacky idea meets a need- Now go out there and find out how your idea solves a problem or satisfies a particular need. What is your future market, who is your future customer, what would he pay you for the product/service etc. In ‘nerd’ jargon it’s called a Market Research. It includes things like cash-flow analysis, marketing plan, advertising plan, break-even analysis etc. Sucks does it…well there is truckloads on the Internet on how to prepare a market research report and you can even entrust an agency for a small fee.

3. Get someone to pay for starting your company- You obviously need money to start the company, to kick start it and obviously your dad isn’t foolish enough to spend that kinnda money for you. Hence you find another fool to invest the money. They are called the Venture Capitalists (VCs) in tech slang. After the dotcom bust, these guys are flush with funds and are on the lookout. You need to prepare a detailed report of your idea (lets call it the business plan) and sometimes do a presentation in front of these Venture Capitalists. If you are able to pitch your idea well, they decide to invest the money in your company and receive a certain share of the company in return.

4. Wait for the next bull run - By the next bull run on the stock market if you are able to make the idea click, behold lies your dream; the big company you dreamed off. Go for an IPO, you sell shares of your company to the public for truckloads of money and behold stands the biggest billionaire you dreamed to be.

5. Get the sexy beaus- This doesn’t warrant any steps to be taken, for a billionaire gets swarmed by these bombshells. Ask ‘Hot Male’ Sabeer Bhatia if you like…heard he was swarmed by the likes of Sushmita Sen.

So that’s it…. to the crazy and brave dudes out there, the world is waiting for you, Go And Conqueror.

“There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent, or hinder, or control a firm resolve of a determined soul”.

Its been long since i visted these ramparts. Well job has taken its toll or is this the proverbial excuse i always inadvertently tread on. I have moved into one of India's most respected IT behmoths...courtsey of luck or fate (i never wanted to be here). So lets put the blame (or credit) on destiny. The last two days have been one of the most scintilating times in my lifetime. I stayed one whole night with her. Well lets make it clear upfront...ya stayed with her, but that just meant i accompanied her on her way to bangalore for a test to the firm in which i am working. But then the night was magical......we came together emotionally for the first time , since the 3 years we have met. She slept with her beautiful face by my shoulder. She's not yet accepted the fact (lets assume its a fact) that she's in love with me, although its been a eon since i accepted the same to her. Its been tough days here at job. Projects, classes, tests et al...yet i worked overtime just in time to be with her. It all started on friday night to thrissur in bus. Reached there on saturday morning. Got fresh and went to the bus stand. There she was. We talked for a long time, well lets say 1 hr. Then we got onto the bus, onto coimbatore. We had a good and sentimental talk (well i was sentimental, she wasn't). She explained the umpteenth time that we were friends and nothing else and never could she imagine me as her life partner. But through her i could see everything......it was all evident. I left and then passed a week. I tried despising her for the week, yet came friday and i had my cell flashing the message...."me got selected in accel. today was test and interview." I jumped with happiness....oblivious of the mental framework i was supposed to follow throughout henceforth. I decided to leave all differences and call to congratulate her. I came to know later that it was not she but someone else who messaged me from her id. Yet the time goes on and on....

This is Captain Kirk logging in second ever log. These are days supposed to be most gay for dudes of my age....making it to a job. But it seems toughest time for me.

Mein 1st Post

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This was what Ray Tomlinson typed on the first mail on this earth...
So let history be created on my log by the same old ....Taraa taraaaaa